Most of us struggle. We struggle financially, emotionally, physically, and just in life. Every day we get up and we struggle through our day, but we don't think of it that way do we? We like to think that we are living, but life is the biggest struggle of them all.
I saw a blog from another author today, and it broke my heart. I follow this author on twitter and have met him once, although like many in a sea of faces I am sure he wouldn't know me from Jane Doe. He is a somewhat popular author in the fantasy genre and his books, while long, are amazing (I have yet to finish the first because it is so long, and I have many shorter books I want to get through). He posted a blog recently about a death that seems inevitable and shortcoming. I felt for him, as I always do because I am only human. It has made me think.
A friend of mine lost her daughter a little while ago, I had no words. Another friend of my partner lost their 19-year old daughter this last week. Another friend of mine was hospitalized and I am not sure if he is going to be okay or not because he has kidney issues along with the issue he is currently in the hospital for. Another friend was just released after needing a blood transfusion. One of my cats, a 17-year old grumpy old lady, isn't doing well and gets skinnier and wobblier every day. My partners father isn't doing fabulous. I still have no words. They escape me. As a writer I want to say something comforting. I want to say the perfect thing. I don't want to repeat platitudes. But, I have no words.
I, myself, understand loss. The passing of my grandfather still haunts me. I look back and continually want one more day, one day to talk to him, one day to tell him I love him, one more day to walk to the corner ice cream shop. We always want one more day. But the struggle to live is over when we die. Living is the struggle.
While I miss my grandfather every single day, I know that he is no longer in pain. I know that if there is an afterlife he can walk and talk and drink whatever he wants. His afterlife is easier than the last few years of his life, and only I struggle because he isn't here.
I know the friend who lost her daughter struggles every day with that loss, but she has to find ways to struggle through each day and she has to find the beauty of her daughter in the world around her.
I know the friend who just lost his daughter has a long, dark tunnel to crawl through before he will find the light again. Yet, he will struggle through that tunnel, crawling through the muck and darkness of depression to hopefully make it back to the sunny, bright light of life.
It just struck me today, after reading the aforementioned author's blog, how much we live to die. Are we embracing the moments we have now? I know I am not. I need to take a moment, I need to hug and kiss my partner. I need to take a drive to Maine to visit my partner's father. I need to breathe and take a moment to enjoy the beauty of my surroundings. I need to get over being sad that I had to move and start over again, people do it all of the time, some with no one behind them. I need to stop struggling, and start living.
Tomorrow I am going to find something to enjoy and I am going to forget about the struggle to live and enjoy it.
I saw a blog from another author today, and it broke my heart. I follow this author on twitter and have met him once, although like many in a sea of faces I am sure he wouldn't know me from Jane Doe. He is a somewhat popular author in the fantasy genre and his books, while long, are amazing (I have yet to finish the first because it is so long, and I have many shorter books I want to get through). He posted a blog recently about a death that seems inevitable and shortcoming. I felt for him, as I always do because I am only human. It has made me think.
A friend of mine lost her daughter a little while ago, I had no words. Another friend of my partner lost their 19-year old daughter this last week. Another friend of mine was hospitalized and I am not sure if he is going to be okay or not because he has kidney issues along with the issue he is currently in the hospital for. Another friend was just released after needing a blood transfusion. One of my cats, a 17-year old grumpy old lady, isn't doing well and gets skinnier and wobblier every day. My partners father isn't doing fabulous. I still have no words. They escape me. As a writer I want to say something comforting. I want to say the perfect thing. I don't want to repeat platitudes. But, I have no words.
I, myself, understand loss. The passing of my grandfather still haunts me. I look back and continually want one more day, one day to talk to him, one day to tell him I love him, one more day to walk to the corner ice cream shop. We always want one more day. But the struggle to live is over when we die. Living is the struggle.
While I miss my grandfather every single day, I know that he is no longer in pain. I know that if there is an afterlife he can walk and talk and drink whatever he wants. His afterlife is easier than the last few years of his life, and only I struggle because he isn't here.
I know the friend who lost her daughter struggles every day with that loss, but she has to find ways to struggle through each day and she has to find the beauty of her daughter in the world around her.
I know the friend who just lost his daughter has a long, dark tunnel to crawl through before he will find the light again. Yet, he will struggle through that tunnel, crawling through the muck and darkness of depression to hopefully make it back to the sunny, bright light of life.
It just struck me today, after reading the aforementioned author's blog, how much we live to die. Are we embracing the moments we have now? I know I am not. I need to take a moment, I need to hug and kiss my partner. I need to take a drive to Maine to visit my partner's father. I need to breathe and take a moment to enjoy the beauty of my surroundings. I need to get over being sad that I had to move and start over again, people do it all of the time, some with no one behind them. I need to stop struggling, and start living.
Tomorrow I am going to find something to enjoy and I am going to forget about the struggle to live and enjoy it.
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