I am currently writing 3 books, editing one, and formatting another. None of them relate to each other. Of the books I am writing one is horror, one is a murder mystery, and one is non-fiction. Of the other two books, the one I am editing is a science fiction book I wrote last year for NaNoWriMo, and the other is a humorous novel about conversations I had with my cat. I am all over the place because none of my character will shut up.
I don't know what to expect from this retreat. I was expecting some homework, but I am unable to get onto their website, so I guess I should email the developers. I have a packet that I am reading slowly. I am freaking out about if my work is good enough. I am bringing a copy of each of my published zombie books, in case I need reference materials. I am gathering all of the information I have that is for the zombie series. I am starting to plan the placement and the pictures for the humorous book. I am going insane, or edging past that line.
Then there are the life issues. There has been a mass found in my lung. It is a four centimeter mass in my upper quadrant, and we don't yet know what it is, so I am distracted. Some days I am overwhelmed by anxiety and stress and I want to stay in bed crying. Some days I can't sleep because of the stress and anxiety. In a week I will have an MRI, then I am off to the retreat, then I get to talk to the doctor to find out what the mass may be. I'm distracted.
I don't sleep anymore and I worry that this affects my writing. I was an insomniac before, but now I have to find drugs to help me sleep so I can work, or I don't sleep.
I worry that I am failing my students.
I struggle every day, but I hope this retreat will help me get back on track. I don't think anyone understands what the last three months have been like. I was told about the mass back on December 17th. I have been distracted since December 17th.
This is all the honesty I have in me right now, because if I focus too much on it I may not sleep again tonight. I have students to think of, as this is the last week before SPRING BREAK! But I am nervous.
Does anyone have any tips of what to do at a writer's retreat? I am really nervous. I am always nervous. I think it is probably imposter syndrome. Then again, don't we all struggle with it?