Maggie - why are you sleeping out here in my space?
Me - both the hubby and boy cat are snoring in the bedroom, it's just too loud.
Maggie - but the couch is my domain.
Me - did you pay for it?
Maggie - no but I've claimed it. See, my fur is everywhere!
Me - it's 1:30am I haven't got time for this.
Maggie - you have all the time in the world, you've been slowly decaying for years, death has been whispering in your ear since birth.
Me - ugh, now I'm going to have bad dream.
Maggie - my job here is done, go sleep in your bed.
Rufus (heard two rooms away) - SNOOORRRTTTTLEE
Hubby (heard two rooms away) - SNUFFLLLEEE BLOWWW
Maggie - I can't take this anymore, I need to get out of here!
Me - what? What's wrong?
Maggie - he's sneezing all over the place and snoring and snorting, how am I supposed to get my 18 hours of daily beauty sleep?
Me - I'm sorry, there's not much to do, but he goes to the doc next week.
Maggie - my life is now a noisy pit of despair and insomnia. I only slept 15 hours yesterday. Woe is me.
Rufus - sneeze sneeze snuffle snort sneeze purr
Maggie - get up, I'm hungry.
Me - what time is it? Is it still dark outside?
Maggie - I'm starving.
Me - it's only 3am, it's not time to feed you yet.
Maggie - I'm dying! Feed me or suffer my wrath.
Me - I'm not going to get out of bed to feed you when I'm sure you still have food in your bowl.
Maggie - I haven't eaten in minutes.
Me - grumble (pulls covers over head)
Maggie - (sticks stinky butt in my face)
Rufus - I could eat.
Day 4 (October edition)
Maggie - it's my favorite time of year.
Me - why?
Maggie - because I'm black and beautiful and people celebrate that this month.
Me - no, people celebrate that black cats are scary and evil this month.
Maggie - well, if the shoe fits (starts sharpening claws)
Me - um....maybe I need a priest....
Maggie - (smirks)
Rufus - (saunters in groaning) Maggie ate all the food this morning, and then she didn't cover her poo and I almost stepped in it, then she barfed on my favorite toy, then she kicked me off the bed.....
Maggie - (gently licks one paw, smacks Rufus, and glides out of room)
Me - (looking at facebook...again)
Maggie - (trying to get my attention by butting her head against my phone and shoving her butt in my face)
Me - ugh, what Maggie? I'm busy.
Maggie - what are you doing that's more important than petting me?
Me - I'm looking through my facebook.
Maggie - you mean your using important minutes on wastebook.
Me - (looking at Maggie) you're right. I am tired of all the racial, political, and just idiotic stuff posted on facebook. Maybe I should sign out for a while.
Maggie - plus that means you can pretty me more.
Me - okay, I'll just post this conversation and sign off.
Maggie - (tapping claws together) excellent, my plan is working human slave.
Me - what was that?
Rufus - you hairless humans are so stupid. Oh look, a sock filled with cat nip! I must kill it!
Me - Maggie what are you doing?
Maggie - hush slave, golden things are falling from the sky and tweety things are everywhere.
Me - you mean winter is coming?
Maggie - this is a no GAME OF THRONES reference area.
Me - you know what that is?
Maggie - I've slept on your smutty books.
Me - um
Maggie - yeah
Me - well, I've got dishes to do.
Maggie - no you don't, you have food you need togive me.
Rufus - ah, I want to go run in the scary grass and brown leaf things! Let me out! Let me out!