Day 1
Maggie - woe is me, this life is so unpleasant.
Me - what's wrong sweetie?
Maggie - I am slowly dying of starvation since you have changed how much food we're getting and how much we are being fed.
Me - first off it's better for you, and second it's the only way to give the boy cat his meds.
Maggie - dying, life is full of melancholy hunger.
Me - you're always so overly dramatic.
Maggie - and you're fat, fatty mcfatfat.
Me - ouch.
Rufus - look at my svelte figure. Sick looks good on me! I have a waistline!
Day 2
Maggie - puts paw on humans face
Me - removes paw from eye
Maggie - puts paw on humans face
Me - removes paw from nose
Maggie - puts paw on humans face
Me - removes paw from mouth wondering if cat just came from cat box
Maggie - puts paw on humans throat
Me - rips paw off throat, digs claws out of skin, takes deep breath and wonders why cat wants me dead
Rufus - puts entire body on humans face and begins licking humans hair
Day 3
Maggie - Pet me slave.
Me - it's after midnight I should be sleeping.
Maggie - no you should be petting me so I can go to sleep after I run around the house like a maniac.
Me - You are being awfully honest tonight, what's up?
Maggie (looking away and brushing her whiskers with her paw) - nothing.
Me - I know something is ... wait did you pee outside of the catbox again?
Maggie - I shall not tell a lie (whispered while walking away).
Me - Damn it.
Rufus (running into the room snorting partly because he is laughing and partly because one entire nostril is plugged) - EW! Someone peed on the floor and I stepped in it (right before he jumps on the bed and put his paws on my face).
Day 4
Maggie - you're hogging the bed
Me - it's my bed, you have a little bed if you want your own.
Maggie - it's not comfortable, it feels like I'm laying on top of the bones of a thousand dead sparrows.
Me - that's a little gruesome.
Maggie - life is gruesome. It's an endless pit of pain and sadness. Never any satisfaction.
Me - um...
Maggie -move over (starts whacking me in face with tail).
Rufus (jumps on bed, lays on my chest) - hi human, you're comfy too sleep on. A big, mushy, flesh colored pillow ... purr purr snort sneeze snuffle purr.
Day 5
Me - cats? Cats? Cats where are you?
Maggie - shhhhh
Me - Maggie? Rufus? Where are you guys?
Maggie - it will find us, shhhhh.
Me - are you guys under the bed again?
Maggie - stupid human, you're going to give away or position and get us killed!
Me (looking under bed) - why are you guys hiding? It's only thunder and lightening.
Maggie - it's the doom of all living beings (shivers). It will find us and end us (shivers more strongly). It is deaths doorbell (eyes wide, shivers and looks away from me).
Rufus - that really loud noise is scary and loud, it's dark and not scary under the bed, you should crawl under here with us.
Maggie - woe is me, this life is so unpleasant.
Me - what's wrong sweetie?
Maggie - I am slowly dying of starvation since you have changed how much food we're getting and how much we are being fed.
Me - first off it's better for you, and second it's the only way to give the boy cat his meds.
Maggie - dying, life is full of melancholy hunger.
Me - you're always so overly dramatic.
Maggie - and you're fat, fatty mcfatfat.
Me - ouch.
Rufus - look at my svelte figure. Sick looks good on me! I have a waistline!
Day 2
Maggie - puts paw on humans face
Me - removes paw from eye
Maggie - puts paw on humans face
Me - removes paw from nose
Maggie - puts paw on humans face
Me - removes paw from mouth wondering if cat just came from cat box
Maggie - puts paw on humans throat
Me - rips paw off throat, digs claws out of skin, takes deep breath and wonders why cat wants me dead
Rufus - puts entire body on humans face and begins licking humans hair
Day 3
Maggie - Pet me slave.
Me - it's after midnight I should be sleeping.
Maggie - no you should be petting me so I can go to sleep after I run around the house like a maniac.
Me - You are being awfully honest tonight, what's up?
Maggie (looking away and brushing her whiskers with her paw) - nothing.
Me - I know something is ... wait did you pee outside of the catbox again?
Maggie - I shall not tell a lie (whispered while walking away).
Me - Damn it.
Rufus (running into the room snorting partly because he is laughing and partly because one entire nostril is plugged) - EW! Someone peed on the floor and I stepped in it (right before he jumps on the bed and put his paws on my face).
Day 4
Maggie - you're hogging the bed
Me - it's my bed, you have a little bed if you want your own.
Maggie - it's not comfortable, it feels like I'm laying on top of the bones of a thousand dead sparrows.
Me - that's a little gruesome.
Maggie - life is gruesome. It's an endless pit of pain and sadness. Never any satisfaction.
Me - um...
Maggie -move over (starts whacking me in face with tail).
Rufus (jumps on bed, lays on my chest) - hi human, you're comfy too sleep on. A big, mushy, flesh colored pillow ... purr purr snort sneeze snuffle purr.
Day 5
Me - cats? Cats? Cats where are you?
Maggie - shhhhh
Me - Maggie? Rufus? Where are you guys?
Maggie - it will find us, shhhhh.
Me - are you guys under the bed again?
Maggie - stupid human, you're going to give away or position and get us killed!
Me (looking under bed) - why are you guys hiding? It's only thunder and lightening.
Maggie - it's the doom of all living beings (shivers). It will find us and end us (shivers more strongly). It is deaths doorbell (eyes wide, shivers and looks away from me).
Rufus - that really loud noise is scary and loud, it's dark and not scary under the bed, you should crawl under here with us.
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