Stacy Kingsley
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The Vegetarian Question

2/12/2016

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I used to be a pescatarian. I would only eat fish. Then I had issues with low iron and couldn't take iron supplements, so I decided to eat meat again. Today, I saw a baby cow frolicking in a field like a child frolics, and it made me think I should give Vegetarianism another try. 

I love the taste of cow. I love the taste of bacon. I enjoy ground turkey in my chili. I don't eat chicken, but after watching a video about how they are treated, I couldn't eat them anymore. I know there are farmers who treat their animals with the best of care. I know there are farmers who, even thought they raise their animals to be food, they still feel bad killing them. I have no problem with people who eat meat, I love eating meat, but there is just something nagging me in the back of my brain. Souls.

I am not one of those people who feel like animals do not have a soul. I have been told by many of my religious friends that animals don't have souls. I have been told by my non-religious friends that animals don't have souls. I have been told by my friends who believe with ghosts tell me that animals don't become ghosts, so they don't have souls. I personally believe that all living beings have souls. If an animal can feel pain (which they can, I know, I stepped on my cat's paw yesterday and she howled in pain, then I made sure to check her paw to see if it is okay), how do they not have souls? If an animal feels sadness at the loss of another animal companion, they are obviously more than just stupid creatures with no emotional responses or feelings. 

There is a video going around of a raccoon who's friend gets hit by a car. No one cares about the dying animal. Normally we don't look back at that animal we have hit with out car. I, personally, would be crushed if I killed an animal with my car. It isn't their fault they are in the road, they don't know any better, we aren't making things easy for them. Anyway, back to the video. The raccoon is obviously upset about his friend. He walks over and comforts his friend, not understanding what has just happened to his friend. As his friend lays dying, he cries, and the world around him just keeps moving on. When his friend is finally gone he moves on, sadly, his body language tells everyone who watches the video how broken he feels.

Now, let's not go around saying that I am going vegetarian because I have all these "feels" for animals, that's not the only reason. I also find that when I eat meat I feel nauseous after I eat it. I think that may be my body telling me something. So, starting next month I am going to try to go back to just fish, and a little turkey (because I can eat it in chili and I love chili). 

I don't care if you eat meat. Eat all the meat. It's fine. I won't judge you for eating meat. All I ask is that you try to eat meat which has been humanely taken care of and killed. And the next time you hit an opossum and kill it with your car, take a moment to be sad, you just ended a life.
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Flatline

3/30/2015

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Decomposition. Dying. Death. Dust. Disappear.

Many people in my life have thought me a morbid person, focusing mostly on death and dying and decomposition and the bad. In reality I hate death. I think dying is an unfair part of life. I know one day all the people I love will fall ill and pass away or get hit by some random bus or maybe disappear without a trace only to leave me questioning what happened. Most humans have a fear of death, appropriately, since we don't know what, if anything, comes after. Death is the end of life, death is the end of everything.

The dying are often afraid because of the same reasons the living are afraid, they don't know what happens after. Then there are those who have accepted their fate, are fine with dying, are happy to take deaths skeletal hand in their own and move on. It happens, when you are looking into the secretive blackness underneath that hooded cloak, dying doesn't seem too bad. A lifetime of pain, emotional or physical, isn't much fun, so when death does arrive, scythe in hand, face unreadable, hand out, it's easy to take that hand and wander away, or let go. I'm not advocating suicide, I am absolutely against the taking of your own life, I am so against it that sometimes the anger boiling to the surface about it hurts. I'm talking about those already dying, cancer patients, those suffering from the debilitating effects of Parkinsons or MS or a variety of other diseases.

I'm not trying to be morbid when I talk about death, decomposition, dying, serial killers, murder, the end of life. I'm exploring. I'm trying to understand what may never be understood.

I write horror because I'm not afraid. I explore death because I'm not scared to face it. Sometimes I'm angry because I don't understand it, but I'm not scared. I learn about evil because there is so much good in the world and yet evil gets news coverage. I want to understand.

Plus I know, when I'm flatlining on that hospital bed, I don't want to be thinking about what is happening and what happens when I die. I want to think about how I'm going to haunt any loved ones I've left behind.
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Murder and Snow

2/9/2015

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So I'm on the east coast for very upsetting reasons, my wonderful mother-in-law passed away a few days Friday, but I'm not here to talk about that, no, I'm here to talk about snow, the cold, and murder. It is very cold outside, at least it looks cold. It is currently 20 degrees where I am, which to me is more than cold, or freezing, I'm not sure this California girl knows exactly how to describe what 20 degrees is, but I'm wondering where the polar bears are. This cottony white stuff is falling from the sky and it itself doesn't look all that cold, it looks fluffy and fun, like I could go out and spin some yarn to make a sweater to fight the cold, but it isn't. It is dreary. I know if I were to walk outside right now I would be bitten by the cold, harsh needles would be jabbed into my skin and my fingertips would instantly redden and want to fall off.

Snow is not cotton. Snow is not friendly. Snow is the bane of my existence when I am on the east coast.

At this moment, looking out the window at the white stuff falling from the sky, I understand the meaning of cabin fever, and I understand why someone would kill those they are in a house with. It's maddening. It's too cold and wet and cold and really maybe a little dangerous to go outside right now. The snow is deep, and getting deeper with each passing second. The snowflakes whisper, "come play with us, for ever and ever and ever" just like a pair of creepy little girls in a creepy book about a haunted hotel and a sick father.

I might listen to them. The cold might be getting to me. I know why people murder people when it's snowing. It's too cold to go outside. It's too boring to stay inside all the time. Murder would give me something to do, then maybe the snow could be my graveyard.

Then again, I might just be trying to distract my self from the reality of death by thinking about the reality of the cold, homicidal snow.

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The Meaning of Death

2/4/2015

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I know, a lot of people will read the title and say to themselves, "Death has no meaning, it's just the ending of life." If that were true then I doubt we would be so afraid of death or mourn those who passed. Death has a meaning, the question is, what?

To each person death will mean something different. I remember the first time death left a bitter, bloody taste in my mouth. It was when I learned my sister had died. Death walked up to me, I was just a child at the time, and slapped me so hard across the face that my head was spinning for weeks. Not long after I lost two more relatives, and with each backhanded slap death hit me with my face stung as hard as the last. I wanted to crawl into the bathtub, curl into a ball, and destroy myself in the darkness. The pain of losing someone is, for the living, the hardest part of death.

As a horror writer I think about death often, maybe more than the normal person. I think of how it might feel to be stabbed, shot, garroted, set on fire, decapitated, drowned, and well you dear reader get the picture. I think about how one feels when they walk into a crime seen and see their family member, friend, lover, or just the victim, dead. I think about the pain that might cause one to seek revenge. I think about the life one might lead after losing someone. I think about death often.

Some of you will never get over the death of someone, maybe that person meant the world to you and you can't fathom life without them, maybe that person was someone who caused you pain and you wanted them to suffer more than they did, whatever the reason, you hold on. You hold on to the memory, you hold on to the hope that maybe, just maybe, someone got it wrong and that person isn't dead. There might not be closure. You might not get to see the body of the deceased. You might never really even get the relief of knowing, 100%, that the person you are missing is dead.

Maybe, possibly, the meaning of death is the meaning of life. Death might just be a tool, put in place to make you appreciate what you have. Everyone knows death exists, maybe the meaning of death is just living. Weird right?

Of course, I, a poor writer living in a southern town, trying to find my place in a new environment, I don't have the answer. I know one day death will come for me, I'm not sure I'll ever be ready. As I think back, and as tears tremble in my eyes, I know I will always miss those who have passed, and I hate to think about those who I am going to lose.

For me, death just means focus on life. Then again, death also means a paycheck if I twist it around enough to get you, the reader, to but into what I'm selling.
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    Stacy Kingsley

    Stacy has a lot on her mind, so sharing helps. She also has a great love of movies and books, so she decided to blog about it. Get her reviews here! 

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