Me - why is your tail so puffy?
Maggie - why isn't yours?
Me - did you scare yourself?
Maggie - no, your face did.
Me - that's not nice.
Maggie - living is not nice, this collar you claim me with isn't nice, I own this castle you call home, bow down before me tailless one!
Rufus - Yo Yo Yo homies, was'up! (He was found living on the streets of LA)
Maggie - you're not paying enough attention to me, you're paying all of your attention to him (looking at the boy cat with disdain)
Me - I'm sorry, he's sick. I love you too.
Maggie - you know nothing about love, have you seen my food bowl?
Me - yeah, you've got food.
Maggie - no, there's... (shake food bowl surprising Maggie with large amount of food)...you're a witch!
Me - no, there was just a circle of food.
Maggie - WITCH!
Rufus - OMG, I'm so hungry and dying give me wet food, dying (overreacting and taking advantage of being sick).
Maggie - is it possible that this house is now mine and mine alone?
Me - no, Rufus just needs to stay at the doctors.
Maggie - MINE! IT'S ALL MINE!
Me - he's going to be back tomorrow or Saturday, you'll still have to deal with him.
Maggie - I find your explinations tedious. Cater to my needs. Feed me! (Maggie begins pacing near the full cat food bowl)
Me (mumbling) - ugh, this is why I need Rufus, comic relief.
Maggie - I'm bored, entertain me human.
Me - not right now, I'm busy.
Maggie - I miss the striped one, he aquiessed to my desires of entertainment.
Me - see I told you that you'd miss him.
Maggie - no I miss the IDEA of him.
Me - the idea of him?
Maggie - he is a nightmare I tolerate because the idea of him not being here, while it would make life more tolerable, makes this joke we call life at least somewhat humorous. (Maggie stretches out her hind leg and starts cleaning it)
Me - yeah, I miss him too.
Maggie - life is a meaningless pit now that he is home (looks disdainfully at Rufus)
Me - you know you missed him.
Maggie - I only missed the extra food I got when he didn't finish.
Me - nah, you missed his company.
Maggie - you speak in dull pointless riddles which only exacerbate the stupidity in this house.
Me - oh Maggie.
Rufus - I love you all (purr purr) I missed you all (licks Maggie face and runs away)
Maggie - sigh
Me - Maggie you didn't eat you wet food again.
Maggie - everything tastes like sadness and hopelessness.
Me - you're not eating any of the wet food we bought. And it's just for you.
Maggie - I need something more peasant, richer, full of life.
Me - I can bring you a live chicken to kill.
Maggie - do not mock me, I have killed before.
Me - grasshoppers (shows her picture of chicken, Maggie shivers then walks haughtily away)
Rufus - I'm sooooooo tired, I'm gonna go sleep under the bed, far away from her highness.
Maggie - your blanket is in my way, you must move it so I can sleep.
Me - just sleep on it.
Maggie - I do not sleep on the blankets of peasants.
Me - ugh, I'm getting tired of your attitude Maggie.
Maggie - I'm tired of your unapologetic boring face.
Me - um
Rufus - I have a striped face, isn't it awesome!
Maggie - stop moving you imbecile, I'm trying to sleep away this life.
Me - is it true that cats have nine lives?
Maggie - is it true that humans ask stupid questions?
Me - I'm just wondering if you cats made that up to seem more powerful?
Maggie - we are powerful. We live a hopeless, despair filled existence only to eat, poop, and sleep, yet we have giant mostly furless slaves catering to our every whim
Me - wait a minute...
Rufus - Ha, she's saying people are stupid. I'm outta here. I'm gonna go chew on some cardboard.
Maggie - it's so hot, cool me slave!
Me - I don't know what to do for you, the air conditioner is on.
Maggie - I can't move, it's too hot.
Me - maybe we should shave the fur off of you.
Maggie - alas, that would only make life more painfully beautiful for you...you couldn't handle looking at my furless glory.
Rufus - I'm shaved on my front right leg and neck and back left leg, and it feels soooooooo good.
Maggie - it's eleven at night, I must run through the house like the colors in the wind.
Me - why are you running right now, and why is your tail poofy?
Maggie - I run to escape the doldrums of this life.
Me - and the tail?
Maggie - it's an aerodynamic accessory I was born with.
Me - really?
Maggie - do not question me tailless slave, you cannot even try to understand my brilliance.
Rufus - I have a tail, I'm gonna chase it, wow it moves fast I may never...HA caught it.