Maggie - I'm lonely and bored and hungry
Me - where on earth did you get a cell phone?
Maggie - eBay.
Me - how did you pay?
Maggie - PayPal.
Me - what do you expect me to do?
Maggie - call 911 I'm dying.
Me - exaggerating?
Maggie - I'm. Dying.
Me - stop using my credit card.
Maggie - I'm dead.
Rufus - nice, my own cell phone. It's Rufus!
Maggie - you, human, why did you move all of the furniture?
Me - well it was only temporary so we could finish the floor.
Maggie - this does not please me (makes weird sound, like gagging).
Me - um, what are you doing?
Maggie - (more gagging, then puking)
Me - gross!
Maggie - this is my displeasure, warm, wet, and full of food...now I must eat it.
Me - gross, gross, gross, gross!
Rufus - oh, it smells like food in here (steps in puke, runs around the house screaming about his dirty paw while getting cat puke everywhere).
Maggie - what is all this talk about orange things? Are you thinking of getting an orange cat?
Me - no, it's all about the presidential....
Maggie - stop right there, I care nothing about human existential problems.
Me - but there are so many things which may now be affected....
Maggie - I'm a cat, I don't bother with human crisis.
Me - but it could affect so many other things that...
Maggie - hey if you guys want to have cheese, or Cheetos, or that spray cheese from a can be your president, I really could care less as long as you treat me like the goddess I am.
Rufus - did someone say cheese? You know, I could eat some of that.
Maggie - I vote this house becomes a democracy, and first vote is for tuna every day.
Me - until you can pay for stuff, not gonna happen.
Maggie - hey, if a can of spray cheese can run the US, I should get tuna every day.
Me - that's not how it works.
Maggie - oh please, if I wasn't sixteen I'd run for ruler of America, then you'd have to give me tuna every day.
Me - you wouldn't make a good president.
Maggie - (pukes on floor) I'm protesting the lack of tuna.
Rufus - hey, what's up (steps in puke) oh god, not again, it's all over my clean paw (runs around house, once again spreading puke everywhere)
Maggie - I'm cold.
Me - it is getting to be that time of year.
Maggie - I'm must lay on top of you and bask in your warmth.
Me - but I was just about to...
Maggie - no, you will stay here and let me steal your warmth all day.
Me - but I have to....
Maggie - you have to do nothing but please me and keep me toasty.
Me - well I do have work...
Maggie - you will be calling in dead. Until it warms up around here you are to remain here underneath me.
Me - Maggie I've got to...
Rufus - cold, cold, so cold (presses freezing, little pink icicles on my skin)
Maggie - What's that noise?
Me - It's not for you.
Maggie - Everything is for me.
Me - No, this is not for you.
Maggie - Just tell me. I am your queen and you must obey!
Me - Pringles.
Maggie - Oh I love those.
Me - Fine, have a piece.
Maggie - (sniffing crumb of chip walks away with head in air)
Me - I knew you'd do that.
Maggie - This is food for peasants.
Rufus - I smell something delicious! (sniffs chip piece, then licks it) Ew, get it off, get if off, get it off (licks air for ten minutes trying to get taste off of tongue)