Stacy Kingsley
  • Home
  • Bio
  • Contact
  • The Books
  • Oh The Horror!

As A Writer

7/28/2016

0 Comments

 
As a writer I often get wrapped up in books, movies, and the things I am working on. I dismiss or don't always pay attention to those around me. Sometimes I do ignore the suffering of others. It isn't a conscience choice, it is just that I am so in my own head that I forget others exist. I focus on my characters, or the plot trouble I am having, or the fact that I need to design a cover for a story I am about to release.

As a writer of horror I dwell a lot with the darker side of life. I often think about murder and suicide and how to torture someone, either physically or mentally, and it can be mentally exhausting. Sometimes I can't deal with the trouble in the real world because I have been living that day in the mind of a serial killer, or in the mind of a rape victim. I never know what mood I am going to be in at the end of the day, and sometimes I just need a break, so I bury myself in something else and forget again that I have others who depend on me.

As a writer I have come to realize the solitary life I lead. My partner doesn't know what my life is like because they can't see inside my head. Most of my friends don't know that I may be utterly depressed because I just killed a ten-year-old in my book, or because I have been walking through the woods as a serial killer plotting his new life. If someone asks me how my day was, or how it is going, I will always answer that it was fine and everything was fine, because the truth might be so painful it physically hurts me to think about it.

As a writer I am lonely, a lot. I sit at home or at the coffee shop with my notebooks and headphones and listen to whatever music the characters wants while writing down the lives of characters who only exist when I let them out. I try to explain but if I go into detail you, out there in internet land, won't understand. How could you? You don't see what I see. You don't know what is going on in my head. It is a dark place, I live a constant life in a dark place, and yet I function every day, but I still wish that you would ask me out. I don't have co-workers. I don't have an office.

As a writer I know the love of other writers. I know the peace I feel when I am among other people who understand. I know what it feels like to be among people who will listen to the horrors I write and understand that this is what is in my head, it doesn't mean it is me.

As a writer I have been asked some serious and private questions. I wrote a story once about a mother who dumps the abuse and murdered body of the young child she killed. Apparently I described the abuse so well that I was asked if I too was abused. I wrote a story with a rape scene in it that I was asked if I was raped and if I needed to be led to someone to talk to. I wrote a story about burying a loved one and was asked if the story was about me. I just see things, situations, and I see them so clearly that sometimes it hurts. The story about burying a loved one, I actually cried when I wrote it. I cried when I finished it. I cry when I read it. It hurts. It hurts to be a writer, it feels like I'm being cut by a million different razor blades, but it also feel great, it feels like an accomplishment and a relief to get those people and those scenes out of my head.

As a writer I think. I think a lot. I also don't sleep. I have issues with sleep. I have so much I want to get out, and my brain just does not shut up. I should be sleeping now. It is 1am on Friday, July 29, 2016. I don't want to sleep. I have people to let out. I have a story burning in my fingers. A story that begins with, "Holy Shit," she exclaimed when her doctor told her the results. Cancer, again. How many times does one person get cancer. It was almost as if cancer had a revenge pact against her for some reason.

For now, my internet lovelies, I am going to try to sleep. I am going to go brush my teeth and pray that my cat makes it through one more night. I have been praying this a lot. I am going to hope that my partner has a great, accident free drive to work tomorrow. I am going to pray that I wake up feeling rested and am able to get to work on this story while it is burning so brightly in my brain.

I just wanted you, out there, to know what life is like, as a writer.
0 Comments

Life Complications

7/26/2016

0 Comments

 
It has been a difficult month. After just getting over bronchitis myself, and after my husband was getting over it, I had a sick cat. I thought it was a cold or allergies, so I took him to the vet on the 30th of June. He was given antibiotics. He did not get better and began having trouble breathing thought his nose so I took him back to the vet. He was given more shots. Later he got worse. I took him again on last Thursday, and was told to take him to the pet hospital. The vet at the hospital found a mass in his nose and did a biopsy. My cat was at the hospital for two days. About 5 days later we were called and told it wasn't cancer, but it was a fungal infection called cryptococcus neoformans. He is on an anti-fungal, steroid, and antibiotic. He can't breath through his nose. He has bloody noses every day. He isn't eating much. He is pretty miserable. Last Thursday I had to take him to the pet er because he was panting and breathing fast. He has no interest in wet food, fresh beef, or tuna. He sleeps a lot. He will be okay but we have a long road ahead of us. Complications of the medication and illness include nausea, anorexia, sores on and in face, blindness, ulcers, and if it affects his nervous system if could cause seizures, disorientation, balance issues, paralysis, and possibly death.

So why am I sharing all of this? Because sometimes thing get in the way of the plans we make. Sick loved ones, sick pets, being sick ourselves, it all affects the things we do and the things we are working on. One can't write a lot of death scenes if one is worried about the death of a pet.

Another reason I am writing this? Because life is hard. It is so much harder to live than it is to die. I'm not saying that dying is easy, but living when you lose someone is so much harder. When you live every day with the memory of someone who is no longer around, you almost feel like a part of you is gone, but it isn't. It's difficult to know you can never just pick up a phone and call, or take a drive and visit. It's hard to think about the fun times and the things that person often said, or how that pet often brought you their favorite toy. It's hard when you realize they no longer share the world with you, and often it makes the world seem a little bit darker.

So, animal or human, cherish them. Remember plans change. You may have to go to work tomorrow thinking about that sick cat you are leaving at home, but you have to do it, and you can.

I've written a couple of posts about death, maybe I need to write a post about life.

As for my cat, I hope he will be okay. Nothing is promised. Tomorrow is not promised, and neither is the next minute.
0 Comments

Movie Review - INDEPENDENCE DAY: RESURGENCE 

7/23/2016

0 Comments

 
I suggest watching the original movie before going to see this one or you may not get some of the references to the past and things that happened in the previous movie. Just a tip.

This movie takes place two decades after the original invasion on Independence Day. The threat is the same, and the aliens are back because they weren't able to finish the job they originally came to do. The people of earth have tried to make sure their defenses are better in case the aliens did come back, but the question is if it is enough.

This was a good movie for a really hot summer day, otherwise I wouldn't recommend it. The first movie was entirely better, and this was a shadow of that one. It used several of the same jokes, and it tried too hard to be too much like the first one without all of the charm and humor of the first one. Will Smith was not back in this one, and while some people may applaud that the reason the film gave for him to be out was just so stupid. 

Another reason I had a problem with this movie was that the producer, writer, and director, all tried way too hard to pull on the audiences heartstrings with sappy language and scenes meant to be heartbreaking. I honestly thought they over played it in several areas.

There were of course other issues, for example the plot holes were annoying and I wish that they had been filled or addressed better. Unfortunately they were not addressed which caused the movie to be a little disjointed from the original. It was unfortunate and very annoying.

I personally didn't care for this movie. It was fun as an action movie, but it tried too hard to be higher than what it was made to be. It was made to be a silly movie about aliens invading the earth, but it took itself too seriously and went a little too far into being a serious alien movie (with explanations to boot).
0 Comments

Movie Review - NYMPHOMANIAC I + II

7/23/2016

0 Comments

 
This is the summary on IMDb: A self-diagnosed nymphomaniac recounts her erotic experiences to the man who saved her after a beating. Very short summary and very sweet, doesn't really say much about the movie. So I will.

I watched both parts I + II in one day, mostly because it is hard not to watch both parts of a movie with only two parts, and partly because I wasn't wanting to watch the second part on another day because I wasn't really sure I wanted to watch the second part at all.

It begins with a man finding a beaten woman in an alley, that was very true. She does then tell him her story of nymphomania. At first it was an interesting movie to watch because it went into great detail about when and where she lost her virginity and how it was a downward spiral from there.

This movie didn't really have much to offer, even as an art piece. It was just too over the top and it didn't give insight often to the main character Jo. Jo, the nymphomaniac, is shown in varying situations having sex with whomever she can get to have sex with. This movie becomes an over the top exploitation of sex, and it provides a look into the mind of a nymphomaniac, however it only shows sex as the addiction, not the problem it really is. People should watch this movie and look at it as an unrealistic expectation of what sex addiction really is.

I thought this movie would be an interesting insight into the life of a woman suffering nymphomania, and the consequences of her actions. While there were consequences they didn't seem to affect her until the very end. Honestly she didn't seem to care about much. When a wife confronts her she doesn't even bat an eyelash, when things happen with her child and the child's father she doesn't stop nor does she seek help and stay with it, and in the end when she is beaten and left for dead she doesn't even care then.

This was not a movie for the faint of heart, especially since it was basically art house porn. A lot of sex and just a little bit of story. I wouldn't recommend wasting your time on this movie, either part.
0 Comments

Conversations with my cat #2

7/21/2016

0 Comments

 
Day 1- (tbt)
Me - why is your tail so puffy?
Maggie - why isn't yours?
Me - did you scare yourself?
Maggie - no, your face did.
Me - that's not nice.
Maggie - living is not nice, this collar you claim me with isn't nice, I own this castle you call home, bow down before me tailless one!
Rufus - Yo Yo Yo homies, was'up! (He was found living on the streets of LA)

Day 2-
Maggie - you're not paying enough attention to me, you're paying all of your attention to him (looking at the boy cat with disdain)
Me - I'm sorry, he's sick. I love you too.
Maggie - you know nothing about love, have you seen my food bowl?
Me - yeah, you've got food.
Maggie - no, there's... (shake food bowl surprising Maggie with large amount of food)...you're a witch!
Me - no, there was just a circle of food.
Maggie - WITCH!
Rufus - OMG, I'm so hungry and dying give me wet food, dying (overreacting and taking advantage of being sick).

Day 3-
Maggie - is it possible that this house is now mine and mine alone?
Me - no, Rufus just needs to stay at the doctors.
Maggie - MINE! IT'S ALL MINE!
Me - he's going to be back tomorrow or Saturday, you'll still have to deal with him.
Maggie - I find your explinations tedious. Cater to my needs. Feed me! (Maggie begins pacing near the full cat food bowl)
Me (mumbling) - ugh, this is why I need Rufus, comic relief.

Day 4-
Maggie - I'm bored, entertain me human.
Me - not right now, I'm busy.
Maggie - I miss the striped one, he aquiessed to my desires of entertainment.
Me - see I told you that you'd miss him.
Maggie - no I miss the IDEA of him.
Me - the idea of him?
Maggie - he is a nightmare I tolerate because the idea of him not being here, while it would make life more tolerable, makes this joke we call life at least somewhat humorous. (Maggie stretches out her hind leg and starts cleaning it)
Me - yeah, I miss him too.

Day 5-
Maggie - life is a meaningless pit now that he is home (looks disdainfully at Rufus)
Me - you know you missed him.
Maggie - I only missed the extra food I got when he didn't finish.
Me - nah, you missed his company.
Maggie - you speak in dull pointless riddles which only exacerbate the stupidity in this house.
Me - oh Maggie.
Rufus - I love you all (purr purr) I missed you all (licks Maggie face and runs away)
Maggie - sigh

Day 6-
Me - Maggie you didn't eat you wet food again.
Maggie - everything tastes like sadness and hopelessness.
Me - you're not eating any of the wet food we bought. And it's just for you.
Maggie - I need something more peasant, richer, full of life.
Me - I can bring you a live chicken to kill.
Maggie - do not mock me, I have killed before.
Me - grasshoppers (shows her picture of chicken, Maggie shivers then walks haughtily away)
Rufus - I'm sooooooo tired, I'm gonna go sleep under the bed, far away from her highness.

Day 7-
Maggie - your blanket is in my way, you must move it so I can sleep.
Me - just sleep on it.
Maggie - I do not sleep on the blankets of peasants.
Me - ugh, I'm getting tired of your attitude Maggie.
Maggie - I'm tired of your unapologetic boring face.
Me - um
Rufus - I have a striped face, isn't it awesome!

Day 8-
Maggie - stop moving you imbecile, I'm trying to sleep away this life.
Me - is it true that cats have nine lives?
Maggie - is it true that humans ask stupid questions?
Me - I'm just wondering if you cats made that up to seem more powerful?
Maggie - we are powerful. We live a hopeless, despair filled existence only to eat, poop, and sleep, yet we have giant mostly furless slaves catering to our every whim
Me - wait a minute...
Rufus - Ha, she's saying people are stupid. I'm outta here. I'm gonna go chew on some cardboard.

Day 9-
Maggie - it's so hot, cool me slave!
Me - I don't know what to do for you, the air conditioner is on.
Maggie - I can't move, it's too hot.
Me - maybe we should shave the fur off of you.
Maggie - alas, that would only make life more painfully beautiful for you...you couldn't handle looking at my furless glory.
Rufus - I'm shaved on my front right leg and neck and back left leg, and it feels soooooooo good.

Day 10-
Maggie - it's eleven at night, I must run through the house like the colors in the wind.
Me - why are you running right now, and why is your tail poofy?
Maggie - I run to escape the doldrums of this life.
Me - and the tail?
Maggie - it's an aerodynamic accessory I was born with.
Me - really?
Maggie - do not question me tailless slave, you cannot even try to understand my brilliance.
Rufus - I have a tail, I'm gonna chase it, wow it moves fast I may never...HA caught it.

0 Comments

Movie Review - THE CANYONS

7/18/2016

0 Comments

 
I don't know why this movie was made, and I don't know why people (even me) watched it, and I really think it was a terrible waste.

So this movie is about a bunch of people who treat each other terribly and have lots of sex with everybody. It has almost no plot even though it tries with the premise of a these people all being involved in the making of a movie. IMDb had this as a summary: When Christian, an LA trust-fund kid with casual ties to Hollywood, learns of a secret affair between Tara and the lead of his film project, Ryan, he spirals out of control, and his cruel mind games escalate into an act of bloody violence. Yeah, if only it was that interesting.

I am pretty sure this was a movie made only to see how far porn could go in mainstream movies. I think I saw more of Lindsay Lohan naked than in all of the "accidental" publicity shots of her getting out of her car. The acting was so dull, no one showed any emotion, and I don't know who's idea it was to cast James Deen but he was terrible, just terrible. I understand he is a porn star and I can see why, when he talks I just want to scream. He was bland and boring. I hope he doesn't have many lines in the porn movies he is in.

The rest of the cast is just forgettable. I don't even remember the names of the characters, and the ending was just boring and terrible. It made no sense, and the violence of the main character was just not obvious. I felt nothing towards him, and none of his actions made me fear for the other characters. I felt all of the characters were narcissistic assholes (sorry language here), and I was bored, so bored, and wish I had not had the desire to see how bad this movie really was.

So, in my opinion you should just skip this movie. It is a waste of time. I'd like to say it was a waste of talent but the only big name actor is a porn star by trade and should stick to saying "suck it" or whatever the hell he says in his movies, and the only big name actress was Lohan and she was just boring. She obviously did not really want to be in this movie at all. Skip it, just skip it.

0 Comments

Birmingham Writer's Conference

7/18/2016

0 Comments

 
I just returned from the AWC writer's conference in Birmingham and I have to say it was very enjoyable. Not only did I meet several new and known awesome authors, but I learned a lot.

I attended several classes such as: Editing, The "me" in Memoir, Blogging, Creative Non-Fiction, and Taking the Mystery out of Mystery. First I have to say that the editing class was very well done, although I wish it was a little less about poetry and expanded a little more on how to work on prose. There were several poets there so I am assuming they found this more helpful than I did, even though I found it very helpful.

The Memoir class was great for all writers, not just memoir writers. It had a lot of information on how to strengthen a scene and how to put yourself into a scene (which in turn will put your readers in the scene and make the scene more powerful.

Creative Non-Fiction wasn't as helpful as I would have liked. The man teaching the class talked more about his own career in journalism and the Pulitzer prizes he won rather than what made creative non-fiction and how to write creative non-fiction. It was not he best class and I felt like I learned very little since I walked away still wondering what the heck creative non-fiction is.

Taking the mystery out of mystery was very interesting. I didn't realize there were as many subgenres of the mystery genre as there was. And I will be honest I had no idea what the hell "cozy" mysteries were, nor did I realize that they even existed. It was a very informative class and I think I may look more into the mystery genre.

All in all I really enjoyed this conference and I hope to be free to go next year. I met some of the most awesome people. I learned a lot. And right now I am working on several stories including the last zombie book.
 
And in the zombie arena I will have a free story at the end of this month, it goes between books three and four and involves a very minor character from book 3 ZOMBIE WASTELAND.
0 Comments

Writer's Conference

7/15/2016

0 Comments

 
I will be out of touch for a few days because I am off to a writer's conference. I have decided not to take my computer, instead I am going old school and am going to take notebooks to work on my book in. One of the reasons I am not taking my computer is because I don't plan on worrying about plugging it in and taking care of it, plus it isn't a small one and weights a little bit. Realistically, I don't want to carry the damn thing around. I will update things when I get back.

I will continue to keep track of my playlist, and I will tell anyone interested what the conference was like, and what I learned.

This is just a little update. Why? Because you, out there in internet land, might be interested in some of the things a writer does.
0 Comments

Movie Review - PREDESTINATION

7/13/2016

0 Comments

 
PREDESTINATION is a 2014 Australian science fiction movie based on a short story by Robert Heinlein. The summary from IMDb reads For his final assignment, a top temporal agent must pursue the one criminal that has eluded him throughout time. The chase turns into a unique, surprising and mind-bending exploration of love, fate, identity and time travel taboos. The movie stars Ethan Hawke as The Barkeep and really the main character in the story if you follow and watch the entire movie.

I watched this with someone who has read a lot of science fiction, and apparently knows a lot about the rules of science fiction time travel. Once the movie was over I turned to them and asked what the hell we just watched. They answered with you need to read more science fiction. I guess that maybe I do, since my head literally hurt after watching this movie. I wasn't sure what the point was, so I took the night and thought about it, trying to figure out what the point of the movie was. I didn't, but I realized that it was a thinker and I didn't hate it.

How do you travel through time in a casual loop when you yourself have no origin? This was the question asked in the movie, and it was never really answered. Another question, can you change the future if you travel to the past to change the future? The answer to this is apparently no. If you try to change some things you can't because some things are destined to be, hence the title PREDESTINATION. This presents a problem to me. If a movie is all about the question "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" What is the movie really all about.

Is it asking if we are all in a time loop? Is is trying to tell us that we all just do what we were predestined to do, like zombies? Changing one thing never changes another and you can't change what you do in the future or the past.

I recommend this if you are a science fiction fan, also think you might enjoy this if you aren't a science fiction fan. I can't say I understood all of this, but it really made me think. And movie that make me think are always my kind of movies.
0 Comments

Conversations with my Cat

7/11/2016

0 Comments

 
Day 1:
Me - what's it like to be a cat?
Maggie - it's both overwhelming and underwhelming. I desire more and less.
Me - what?
Maggie - being a cat is one existential nightmare after another in days that pass as if they were daydreams.
Me - um, are you on drugs?
Maggie - we're all on drugs, a drug called death. We seek to live but wait for death to embrace us in a chilly, yet comforting hug.
Me looking at cat with one eyebrow raised.
Maggie begins to lick her butt.
Rufus - hey, did you know there's this furry thing stuck to my butt? It tastes a lot like me and is super fun to chase.

Day 2:
Me - what are you thinking about?
Maggie - how we live to die and die to live in a world that spits us out after chewing on us.
Me - that's interesting.
Maggie - Oh I know you only placate me because you think I have a small brain in my tiny head, but if you only knew the agony it was to be a cat.
Me - Really? Seems pretty easy to me. I feed you, clean your cat box out several times a day, and what do you do most of the day? Sleep.
Maggie - It is the same every day. You think I live a fulfilling life, but I feel so empty. I stand in front of an empty chasm and that purring noise is not happiness, but me filling the hollow hole created by despair.
Me - What?
Maggie turns to lick a white paw.
Rufus runs into room - Did you guys see that? I ran faster than the thing attached to my butt! I'm gonna see if I can do it again!
Rufus runs out of room

Day 3:
Me - Maggie why aren't you eating your food this morning?
Maggie - everything tastes like sadness and despair.
Me - I think you're overreacting.
Maggie - my heart keeps beating but the sound is hollow. This food doesn't fill me. Eating is an empty gesture.
Me - but it's some of your favorite food.
Maggie - it only fills me with more despair and causes me to wonder about my cavernous existence.
Me - um...
Maggie sits next to plate and starts licking dainty white paw.
Rufus with a mouthful of food - oh my god this is the best thing I've ever tasted we must eat this all the time...like forever.

Day 4:
Me - can you please get off my clean laundry?
Maggie - is it really clean? All our lives we are taught one thing but it's really something else
Me - and why are you sleeping on my white shirt?
Maggie - the question really is why aren't you.
Me - I can't talk to you when you're like this.
Maggie - talking is just the beginning of the end of a pitiful existence.
Rufus - get it off get it off get it off...oh it's just my tail.

Day 5:
Me - you're so freaking cute!
Maggie - I am not a child, cute is for kittens.
Me - but you're so dainty and small and cute.
Maggie - you fill me with an emptiness so deep it's a pit of dark despair.
Me - why?
Maggie - I am a cat, majesty of all, owner of nothing.
Maggie turns and starts licking a dainty white paw.
Rufus - oh my god oh my god oh my god the lightening and thunder and rain and I'm so scared! Hold me!

Day 6:
Me - there, are you happy now? I just gave you fresh water.
Maggie - I will drink it but I won't enjoy it with all of the suffering in the world.
Me - you don't even have to worry about that, you have a great life here as a spoiled old lady.
Maggie - I take joy in nothing as I know living is just the absence of death.
Me - I have no words.
Maggie sticks head into red solo cup I just used to pour fresh water into the water fountain.
Rufus - the best water comes from the sky in that small glass water room you sometimes stand in.

Day 7:
Me - I think it's nap time, want to join me?
Maggie - Naps are for amateurs, I am a professional. You disgust me with your attempts to be social.
Me - Ouch, that's kind of harsh.
Maggie - I own the bed, the couch, you can sleep on the floor like a servant.
Me - I paid for all of that.
Maggie - Money is the essence of evil, you lay in despair if you bring up money to me.
Me - You confuse me.
Maggie stretches out on the bed, taking it over.
Rufus - I want to SLEEEEEPPPP with my human! I want to SLEEEPPPPP on my human! I want to SLEEEEPPPP and sneeze on your face!

0 Comments
<<Previous

    Stacy Kingsley

    Stacy has a lot on her mind, so sharing helps. She also has a great love of movies and books, so she decided to blog about it. Get her reviews here! 

    Archives

    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.